WWF Tuesday Night Titans episode 16: Prepping for Butcher Vachon's wedding, Hulk Hogan, Roddy Piper, Andre The Giant

By Josh Molina for WrestlingObserver.com 

– Airdate: Dec. 3, 1984
– Run time: 1:30 minutes
– Stars of the show: Vince McMahon, Lord Alfred Hayes, Amy McMullan

TNT breaks the mold this week with an on-location episode to hype up the “The Butcher” Paul Vachon’s wedding in two weeks. From Macho Man and Liz to Stephanie and Triple H, no one does weddings like the WWF. I have no recollection of what drama and doom awaits Vachon’s wedding next week, but since it is the WWF, expect it to be something less than traditional.

McMahon and stooge Lord Alfred Hayes act as roving wedding planners this week, visiting the locations that Vachon and his future wife have already visited to select their various wedding accoutrements. The show kicks off with McMahon, Hayes, and WWF magazine and writer Amy McMullan going over the wedding guest list. It’s quite the list.

– President Ronald and First Lady Nancy Reagan
– Queen Elizabeth and Prince Phillip
– Cyndi Lauper
– Lee Iacocca
– Freddie Bassie
– Jerry Falwell
– Marv Throneberry
– Idi Amin (really?)
– Clara Pellar
– Mr. T
– Liz Taylor
– Captain Lou Albano
– Christina Onassis
– Linda Lovelace (Hayes says she is his personal friend)
– Nikita Kruschev
– Prince (the Purple Rain guy)
– Mr. Green Jeans
– Tip O’Neill
– H.R. Haldeman
– Margaret Trudeau
– Eddie Murphy
– Sally Ride
– Arnold Schwarzenegger (of course)
– Robert Vesco
– Hulk Hogan

McMahon says, “What evening would be complete without the presence of the World Wrestling Federation champion Hulk Hogan?” That’s quite the guest list, certainly made up of hot names at the time and other disgraces that McMahon, of course, would want to just to make Vachon’s wedding look like a bigger farce than it is.

McMahon always spectacular at the sell. McMahon moves away from the guest list and “back to the dynamite nights of TNT.” Since the hosts are not in the studio to interview guests, this week is a “Best of” show, with highlights from segments throughout 2005. First we go to the infamous “Piper’s Pit” episode where Piper turned himself and Jimmy “Superfly” Snuka into overnight stars.

Since this segment earlier in the year, Snuka has fallen off the face of the Earth. His feud with Piper was dropped and instead Snuka’s cousin “The Tonga Kid” was brought in to feud with Piper, although that didn’t list last long either. Snuka apparently was wrestling with “personal demons,” at the time, and was off-camera. For those of you who aren’t regular WWF followers, no Snuka was not a devil-worshipper, at least not in the traditional sense.

“Personal demons” is a WWF phrase for when a guy has drug problems, because, you know, it’s the demon from within that is forcing the wrestlers to self-medicate, not the road schedule or the fact that the most popular little guy in the world can’t get pushed longer than three months because he doesn’t look like Kevin Nash.

The Tonga Kid was apparently a royal jerk behind the scenes and didn’t last. The bigger reason for the rehashing the Piper’s Pit was to show what happened afterward in the studio.

Piper slapped the living crumpets out of Hayes after Hayes called him undignified. Piper don’t pull any punches. The slap was legit and Hayes sold it like a retired professional wrestler. Piper was banned from TNT after this incident, but before he walked off the set he left us with this amazing catch phrase: “When I am good, I am good, but when I am bad, I am better.” He also called McMahon “a piece of garbage,” which storyline or not, is pretty gutsy.

Hayes and McMahon are now visiting a flower shop, where Vachon has delegated the all-important duties of selecting flowers to Hayes, for some reason. When I think of flowers I think of Lord Alfred Hayes.

Since it’s Hayes, who is essentially playing the role for Fred Mertz on the show, he can’t pick a proper bouquet of flowers. His bouquet includes two birds of paradise, an actual toy bird, a leather belt, and a bunch of green leaves a Silverback a mountain gorilla might munch on. 

McMahon says the bouquet weighs 20 pounds and Hayes responds, “she can use both hands.” They cut to a commercial but first, McMahon conducts one of several “man-on-the-street” videos.

McMahon asks him this gem: “Paul Vachon has been married 5 times. What are the chances they could keep this together?” The guy responds: “Depends on how many times he can press her.” I guess he means bench press? Next they move to the jewelry shop, where McMahon and Hayes talk with the sales woman about the type of rings the bride and groom have selected. Vachon apparently ears a size 17 ring, which had to be specially made.

McMahon was just the master of feigning his surprise every time the jeweler said anything. They say that the acting is all in the face and McMahon proves that is correct. He has some of the most amazing looks and it’s clear when Stephanie screaming at Ronda Rousey to “GET THE HELL OUT OF MY RING,” where Steph got her stage presence.

The show then revises Adrian Adonis and Dick Murdoch walking the streets of New York. This segment was weak the first time it aired and it didn’t get any better Adonis was just a weird guy, and putting a Texas rattlesnake like Murdoch among the yuppies of New York, just didn’t work. McMahon corners another person and asks him what Vachon’s bride might look like. The man says nothing, but points to the dog that he is carrying on a leash.

After the commercial McMahon interviews another guy and asks him what type of woman does he think would marry Vachon. The man responds: “Wendi Richter”. “I don’t think Wendi would go for that,” McMahon responds. Next up we go to “Inga” at the bakery to take a look at the Vachon’s wedding cake.

It’s a classic five-story wedding cake, although that may be a bit small, considering the guest list. Hayes all of a sudden gets excited and decides to rudely taste the cake. He pokes his finger into the frosting and says, “I think that has been made with Canadian geese eggs.”

We move from cake to cheese and Hulk Hogan attempting to get Mean Gene Okerlund in shape. This was a hilarious segment with Hogan showing up at Okerlund’s kitchen at 5 a.m. to get him training. Now what’s odd is that Okerlund looks like a normal guy in a rather modest home. How is it that a guy who worked for years in the AWA, then the WWF, presumably pulling in close to $100,00 annually at the time, lives in a house that looks like it was ripped straight out of an episode of “Mama’s Family?”

The house may have been a set because you can see people in the background in one of the shots where Hogan is drinking raw eggs.  Either way, Okerlund and Hogan made a great pair and I bet Okerlund today could call Monday Night Raw a lot better than Byron Saxton. What’s most memorable about this scene is the crowd of in-shape young men who just happen to be out at the park at sunrise when Okerlund and Hogan are training.

It’s back to Carlos to learn about Vachon’s attire for the wedding day. He has apparently selected a loud red jacket that confuses McMahon: “I wonder how that is going to look on his 350 pound frame.” Probably no worse than McMahon litany of plaid, pink and yellow sports jackets.

McMahon makes Hayes try on the jacket, which is tight, but fits. Apparently Hayes downed too much cake at the bakery. McMahon: “That’s not your color. Black is your color. Macabre.”

In a line clearly fed to him, Hayes says that the jacket would look better with a pair of bright, yellow mustard pants. Hayes picks a red tie to match the red jacket and black top hat. Even Hayes is getting tired of the joke, saying that the black top is too conservative for it almost being 1985. Hayes no-sold the segment. He did not look happy.

In the studio we revisit a very charming Andre the Giant. Andre explains that he doesn’t have a lot of time for TNT because his boss keeps him busy, prompting McMahon to laugh slyly. Of course, after the wedding there’s the honeymoon. And where’s there’s a honeymoon, in McMahon’s eyes, there must be a lingerie.

McMahon brings back McMullan, who was introduced on an earlier episode of the show as a journalist for WWF magazine. She lasted a bit longer than Missy Hyatt, but that’s not saying much. Where is McMullan today? Who knows. She doesn’t appear to exist on google.

But 30 years ago, she was on TNT showing off the wedding lingerie. She held up a silkier garter and bra. McMahon, of course, needs to find a way to insult Hayes and asks him if he has ever worn those types of clothes. 

Hayes says no, but asks if McMullan would consider modeling the lingerie. She walked off the site acting like she would consider it, but somehow I doubt it.

“Cowboy” Bob Orton is the next guys and boy, does he wrestle and look a lot like Randy Orton. There was a flurry wither Orton beat down opponent Pat Patterson and it looked like it 2015 and Orton going to town on Seth Rolins. There mannerisms and moves were similar.

Cowboy Bob Orton even used an extended side headlock to keep Patterson down. Orton won with a roll-up and pulling of the trunks.  Next, we visit the travel agency to find out where the Vachons will go on their honeymoon.

“Debbie” at the travel agency explains that the Vachons have selected an unusual array of activities in Africa: Sahara oasis tasting; the Ugandan Fig Newton festival; Tanzanian spear catching; Zambezi crocodile racing and gorilla tracking. McMahon put up photos of the African people taking part in the various activities, sort of. It was actually photos of seemingly Africans, but it could have been photos of anything.

 

The show ends with a re-visit with The Iron Sheik who is proud of his camel in the TNT studios. “I respect that camel more than Sgt. Slaughter and Hulk Hogan,” he says.

Next episode is the wedding. McMahon once again carried the show and even though it was filmed on location (the WWF never explained where they were, although I would guess it was in Canada). While the live in-studio interviews are much better, McMahon has enough personality to carry the show. We’re about to wrap up 1984, perhaps the most important year in the history of professional wrestling. McMahon, TNT and the WWF are experiencing a wrestling revolution. McMullan never did come back in the lingerie.